The PG-13 Scarface

Hollywood, CA – ‘I love Brian de Palma, but we need a more up-to-date imagery. The old Scarface looks like a b-movie, looks like big s**t on my big plasma. It has style, but looks like s**t’ says the new Scarface remake director Michael Bay ‘we are going for something glossier, faster… and we need Scarface unleashed, we need the badass Scarface. You wont believe the bodycount on this one.'

When asked about the PG-13 aim, Michael Bay said ‘there are changes, of course. But I’m a player, I don’t give up, I will go all the way to the end, don’t bluff me. And this one will make history for the PG-13 rating: no drugs, no sex, no blood, no heavy words, no cigarettes, and yet you'll see Scarface deadliest as the 80’s version, no… much more deadliest, mercilessness, he kills everybody, but I mean everybody. Is unreal. And it is real, it is life, based on real facts, and it is a popcorn movie. Everyone will love it.’

Enquired about the main character, Tony Montana, Michael Bay was harsh ‘No one knows Tony Montana! They know Scarface! A guy with a big scar in his face, and that’s it. And that's why we are thinking in Shia LaBeouf, I mean, he can be tough like Pacino or even tougher. Will be wild to have LaBeouf yelling ‘Say hello to my new friend! ...Jude Law will play Manny Ray. It’ll be awesome.’

Apparently Scarface wont be Cuban in this version ‘the studio wanted something new, fresher’ said the director. Instead, Scarface will be Canadian: ‘why Canadians can’t be badasses?’ And also the revamped Scarface deals with illegal movie downloads instead of cocaine ‘it’s a down to earth concept, instead of hidden drug trucks, are the hidden internet servers from where Scarface make his millions and will have to pay for that. Scarface will be the ultimate geek!’

But Michael Bay will have to wait; a Casablanca remake is slated to start filming in Rio de Janeiro 2010's fall with Shia playing Bogart for 2011 Oscars big time. Besides having only the name Casablanca in common with the 40’s original, Shia said that the new ending will be even better “the original ending was a kind of a downer, we decided for something more colorful, fresher.” The new script is set in Rio instead of Morocco’s capital to appeal the teen moviegoers.

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Tim Burton: The Oz Re-imaging

Hollywood, CA – ‘I always hated Oz’ said Tim Burton, the new Wizard of Oz remake director ‘Oz is like DeMilles’ Ten Commandments of the musicals, I prefer a trip to the dentist… I think that even Michael Jackson’s version is better than the 40's version. Every time I watched it as a kid I had to control myself to not jump from the window’

We asked about the casting the answer was fast: ‘Johnny Depp as Scarecrow, Johnny Depp as Tin Man and Johnny Depp as Cowardly Lion. We still don’t have a Dorothy, Helena Bonham Carter will be the Wicked Witch of the West. We wanted Paul Giamatti to play Oz, but he already signed contract to the Columbo remake, so, I don’t know. Jude Law is an alternative... and Toto will be CG, as everything else’

And then we had to ask him if wouldn't be strange to Dorothy to have three look-a-likes Johnny Depps as family members ‘Oh, that ending… we are moving to another direction… is always family, family, family, enough. It also means that Oz was in her imagination only. That’s cheap. (Tim Burton makes a funny voice) Oh, so that all was just a dream… I hate that. Here, Oz exists and is a nightmarish place. Not a playground that you would want to stay and sing; is dreadful, you want to leave, to escape and never come back, it is a place that can kill you. But it'll still be a musical... about desolation, delusional hopes, you know… for kids.’

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SNL, Monty Python and the Knights who say... NO!

New York, NY - Bill Murray and John Cleese together? Will Ferrell? And Jude Law? Is possible to say… NI! As we know Terry Gilliam is broke, and the studio is forcing him to co-direct the Holy Grail remake with Terry Jones ‘Not in a f***ing million years’ said the co-director at the pre-production. But we know who always wins… don’t we, Mr.Gilliam?

‘If Terry Gilliam is in it, I’m out’ said Mr.Cleese. ‘If John Cleese is out, I quit’ also affirmed Jude Law. Bill Murray reportedly said that if Terry Gilliam won’t direct this film, he’d abandon the ship. When asked, Michael Palin and Jon Lovitz said that no one will quit: ‘we are all penniless... we need the job.’

Terry Jones accepted the co-direction if Terry Gilliam doesn’t come across his own vision for the remake ‘all he has to do is to shut up’ Jones said. Mr.Gilliam responded ‘that’s ok, that is fine by me, really, I’ll just make the Intro’; but the Intro is budgeted at 50 million dollars, three times the cost of the rest of the movie.

The main issue is who will take King Arthur’s hole, played by Graham Chapman in the original: ‘who cares? I’m here just for the bloody money’ said Mr.Cleese. Eric Idle affirmed that they already have someone in mind: ‘remember that Japanese guy from Heroes? We are considering him’ between the shouts of the first meeting, Eric Idle completes: ‘we respect each other profoundly, but that not means that I am unarmed. Look here, fits in my pocket so I can shoot them if I need... and no one will think it was me. They are the maniacs, I'm the nice one. I'm the singing guy’ he said quietly to us.

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1985 is Back!

(SPOILER ALERT)



Hollywood, CA – Richelieu did it again. Our most dear contributor just read the first draft of Back to 1985, the Back to the Future remake, set for 2010. Be careful, is a LOT of spoilers:


Back to 1985 is all about Marty’s teenager son, Luke; he has 15 in present days. Home alone with his brother, he is playing a loud guitar music when a thunder comes from the window, and the time machine destroys the wall and wrecks everything. He extinguishes the fire and opens the delorean and there is no one inside, only a card at the windshield saying ‘save Biff Tannen Jr.’ and on the other side ‘hit 88 mp/h’ . He accelerates and hit 88 mp/h and travels to 1985. There are a lot of jokes about Michael Jackson and David Copperfield. I will not tell exactly what Luke McFly needs to do to fix time but he needs to make his mother to fall in love with his dad, the 15 year old Marty! before Marty travels to 1955. It’s very funny. There is even a "Luke, I'm your father" joke!


There is a rumor that Jude Law is in negotiations to play the old Martin Seamus "Marty" McFly of 2010, but we cannot confirm it.

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Guy Ritchie confirmed

(SPOILER ALERT)




LONDON, England - Guy Ritchie is confirmed to helm a new 2001 adaptation to be produced by Jon Peters (Batman, Superman Returns and Wild Wild West) for Warner Bros. “yes, we know that the movie is called 2001... and it will be released in 2009, we are working on that” said the screenwriter Michael France (Fantastic Four, Hulk) “we are trying to work with a time loop premise: they travel back to 2001 to save our planet, I think is a very clever solution.”

Some parts of the story leaked to internet and raised a lot of criticism. Mainly because the HAL 9000 computer is turned into a giant spider robot near in the end of the movie in a battle over the exploding volcanoes of Jupiter with Dave for the monolith. “We really want to make a real odyssey this time” says the producer “a breathtaking-nonstop-action-thoughtful-odyssey-thriller.”

Kubrick fans are displeased since Ben Affleck’s Paths of Glory had a new ending, where the soldiers aren’t killed by their own troops, but save themselves and freed France from the nazis (nazis didn't exist in WWI). “No” said Michael “there are some things that are sacred, we will not alter the original story one bit. There is a giant spider, yes, but it will not change the structure at all.”

Clive Owen is attached to reenact the commander Dave Bowman, and Matt Damon as the bold lieutenant Frank Poole. Jude Law will make the voice of the HAL computer.

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Jude Law goes hand-in-hand with "Manos"

Hollywood, CA - When people first heard about the shot-for-shot Manos, the Hands of Fate remake, the great question was 'who will play Torgo?' "Torgo is such a mythical creature" says Joel Silver, the producer of Matrix and Die Hard "to find Torgo is almost to find ourselves. We are very happy that Jude loved this new, fresh approach to Manos that we achieved".

The new Manos, the Hands of Fate remake is settled at a 150 million dollar budget, Cate Blanchett and Viggo Mortensen will star as the doomed couple. Recently, Anthony Hopkins declined to play the Master: "all my life, everything I've done was in the hope that someday I would play Torgo, to wear his pants, to please the Master that is away" says the sobbing actor "and now I'm too old for the part. I can't handle someone else doing it."

SCENES FROM THE CLASSIC:


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